Free Turkey

They hate us for our freedom.

You are not allowed to:

Smoke whatever you want

Go through a red light even if no one else is at the intersection

Ride a motorcycle without a helmet

Drink in public

Flirt with a co-worker

Have sex with someone one day younger on your eighteenth birthday

Commit suicide

Observe a nipple while watching the Super Bowl

Buy birth control pills without a note from your doctor

Pick flowers at a municipal park

Sleep on the sidewalk

Raise your kid weirdly

Have a pet kangaroo

Ride a bicycle on the freeway

Be partially or entirely nude in public

Sell cigarettes on TV

Skip grade school without permission

Live anywhere you want

Open a store in your house (in a residential area)

Sell porn to the people who need it most – 15 year-old boys

Drive 85 miles per hour (except in Montana)

Drive without a seatbelt on

Marry if you are gay

Sleep with someone for money

Fish without a license

Bet in an office pool

Marry someone from another country for immigration purposes

Pay someone four dollars an hour

Live in a house made out of cheese (or anything else not up to code)

Burn trash

Let your dog run free

Shoot a cat

Out a CIA agent (unless you are the president)

Play loud music after 10pm

There's more.

Freedom isn't free. It costs a buck-0h-five.