Turkey Dough
Bill Gates was the Great Satan of the 90s. He acquired $50 billion dollars by either destroying his competition or eating them alive. The robber barons a century ago had nothing on him. Most people don’t know this, but Seattle used to be a nice warm place, located somewhere in the Pacific tropics before Gates had it relocated to the dreariest, coldest, bleakest place on earth where people by the dozens routinely fling themselves lemming-like into Puget Sound (previously Sunny Bubbly Bay) to escape the miserableness of their cracked and broken lives.
Gates can’t fool me by donating billions to help the world. He sits high in his tower while the orcs below toil in their madness to crush a few puppies so that he can drink his tea just the way he likes it. There is only one obstacle to total world domination:
Warren Buffet.
In the battle of who is the most evil, Buffett comes closest to being the New Satan. This man actually bet $21 billion (that’s billion with a B) AGAINST the US dollar. And won. How much more evil can you get than that? It is certainly more evil than sucking up poor little Bob Codemaker and his little company DefenselessLambWare.com. Buffett tried to destroy one of the most powerful civilizations in history.
Good thing Gates controls all the information in the world. One day Buffett was typing at his new black hole-powered PC. He typed: “Now is the time for all good men to lay down and let me take their souls,” but what came out was, “I want to donate $31 billion dollars to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation because Bill is such a cool and understanding guy.”
THAT’S how Gates got Buffett to give him $31 billion. Then, the computer reached out, seized Buffett’s head like Shaquille O’Neal pulling down a rebound, and stuffed a microchip through his wrinkly old ear and into his brain. Now Buffett is saying that OTHER billionaires should give their money to Gates as well.
I mean, how else does the SECOND RICHEST MAN in the world give almost all of his money to the RICHEST MAN in the world? It’s the only possible explanation.
But what is Gates going to do with $81 billion dollars? Sure, he SAYS it’s to promote health globally, particularly in third-world nations. Get it? Third world. That’s where the populations are. He’s going to feed them, heal them, TRAIN them. He’s raising an army. They will deify him, create huge statues, and when he’s ready, they will strike.
And all I’ve got to say is, watch out Steve Jobs.
posted by Mad Duck at 9:30 PM
1 Comments:
I looked up Warren on Wikipedia. I found some interesting statements: This [donation to Gates Foundation] is a significant shift from previous statements Buffett has made, having stated that most of his fortune would pass to his Buffett Foundation. The bulk of the estate of his wife, valued at $2.6 billion, went to that foundation when she died in 2004. His children will not inherit a significant proportion of his wealth. These actions are consistent with statements he has made in the past indicating his opposition to the transfer of great fortunes from one generation to the next. Buffet once commented, "I want to give my kids enough so that they could feel that they could do anything, but not so much that they could do nothing." So I guess he changed his mind from his original plan to bequeath to his foundation and gave it all to Gates.
As for Steve Jobs, since he has branched out from computers alone and founded Pixar, he might be able to stand up against Gates. I don't care. I only hope Pixar keeps turning out good animation!
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