No Turkey
Ladies and Gentlemen
There are NO flying saucers. There is NO Bigfoot. There is NO Kennedy conspiracy. There is NO Loch Ness Monster. Ghosts do NOT exist. There is NO Devil’s Triangle. You DON’T have ESP. Your horoscope is WRONG. Rosicrucians are NOT hiding the identity of Jesus’ great grand nephew (Louie). The earth IS round. Paul is NOT dead (two down, two to go). You will NOT have bad luck, no matter how many emails you ignore. There is NO Chupacabra (except for the hot sauce). There IS a Roswell, but it’s just a town in NM. Dianetics IS a crock (but you already knew that). Plants do NOT think, feel or talk.
I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you. It gets worse.
You are NOT going to win the lotto. You are NOT secretly the child of royalty. You can not/did not/will not grow up to be President. Nor should you want to. There is NOT a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow – nor in your front yard, so STOP digging. Love does NOT always find a way. The American Dream is NOT real. Comic books are NOT art. Not GOOD art, anyway. You WILL get old. Your dog/cat/bird/goldfish does not love you unconditionally. If you don’t believe me, stop feeding your dog/cat/bird/goldfish and open the door. Only the goldfish will stay.
The Red Sea did NOT part. Moses did NOT talk to a burning bush. Well, maybe he did, but it did NOT talk back. Jesus did NOT turn water into wine. Eve did not sprout out of a rib in Adam’s chest (waaayyyy too much like Alien for me). You will NOT get 72 virgins in heaven no matter WHAT you do here on earth. You CAN eat a ham sandwich on Friday without mortal repercussions. COWS are NOT SACRED. Just tasty.
You DO use more than 10% of your brain (you use ALL of it), so you’re NOT going to get smarter. NOBODY understands why gravity works. Maybe it doesn’t. There is NO time travel. There will be NO interstellar space travel. We are NOT going to live on Mars. We will NEVER encounter space aliens – there aren’t any.
Even worse.
There is NO heaven. There is NO hell. There IS a Hell’s Canyon, and it’s HOT. God is NOT floating around watching everything you do. God is NOT real. Allah is NOT real. Vishnu is NOT real. Scooby is NOT real. There is NO good or bad.
There IS science, but it DOESN’T work. There is NO Yin-Yang. There is NO Karma. Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. OJ got off. If you’re mad about it, you don’t believe in Karma or the afterlife. If you think he’s going to get his in the afterlife, you’re wrong.
There’s just some giraffes, mulberries, badgers, granite and other things. And us. That’s a lot, though. You should be damn grateful. Especially for the Chupacabra sauce.
There are NO flying saucers. There is NO Bigfoot. There is NO Kennedy conspiracy. There is NO Loch Ness Monster. Ghosts do NOT exist. There is NO Devil’s Triangle. You DON’T have ESP. Your horoscope is WRONG. Rosicrucians are NOT hiding the identity of Jesus’ great grand nephew (Louie). The earth IS round. Paul is NOT dead (two down, two to go). You will NOT have bad luck, no matter how many emails you ignore. There is NO Chupacabra (except for the hot sauce). There IS a Roswell, but it’s just a town in NM. Dianetics IS a crock (but you already knew that). Plants do NOT think, feel or talk.
I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you. It gets worse.
You are NOT going to win the lotto. You are NOT secretly the child of royalty. You can not/did not/will not grow up to be President. Nor should you want to. There is NOT a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow – nor in your front yard, so STOP digging. Love does NOT always find a way. The American Dream is NOT real. Comic books are NOT art. Not GOOD art, anyway. You WILL get old. Your dog/cat/bird/goldfish does not love you unconditionally. If you don’t believe me, stop feeding your dog/cat/bird/goldfish and open the door. Only the goldfish will stay.
The Red Sea did NOT part. Moses did NOT talk to a burning bush. Well, maybe he did, but it did NOT talk back. Jesus did NOT turn water into wine. Eve did not sprout out of a rib in Adam’s chest (waaayyyy too much like Alien for me). You will NOT get 72 virgins in heaven no matter WHAT you do here on earth. You CAN eat a ham sandwich on Friday without mortal repercussions. COWS are NOT SACRED. Just tasty.
You DO use more than 10% of your brain (you use ALL of it), so you’re NOT going to get smarter. NOBODY understands why gravity works. Maybe it doesn’t. There is NO time travel. There will be NO interstellar space travel. We are NOT going to live on Mars. We will NEVER encounter space aliens – there aren’t any.
Even worse.
There is NO heaven. There is NO hell. There IS a Hell’s Canyon, and it’s HOT. God is NOT floating around watching everything you do. God is NOT real. Allah is NOT real. Vishnu is NOT real. Scooby is NOT real. There is NO good or bad.
There IS science, but it DOESN’T work. There is NO Yin-Yang. There is NO Karma. Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. OJ got off. If you’re mad about it, you don’t believe in Karma or the afterlife. If you think he’s going to get his in the afterlife, you’re wrong.
There’s just some giraffes, mulberries, badgers, granite and other things. And us. That’s a lot, though. You should be damn grateful. Especially for the Chupacabra sauce.
posted by Mad Duck at 9:51 PM
1 Comments:
Hey, Mad Duck. It's Raven - you know, that friend of yours who lives in Tampa and had an objection to this particular blog. I just remembered that my friend Carol created a blog and I had to create an account to look at the pictures she posted. It just happened to be the same blog site that you have yours on. So I can post a comment to your blogs! And I did so you would have at least one comment you could look at. See? I do love you after all. LOL
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