Flag of Turkey

The senate rejected the anti-flag burning amendment by one vote.

But the American Flag is a frail thing. Of COURSE it needs protection. It’s a little old lady trying to cross the street. It’s a chick that fell out of its nest. It’s a goldarn FIELD GOAL KICKER. Only something that’s strong, valuable, impressive and important can stand on its own. In football, we don’t pass rules to protect the linebackers, just the little guys.

"This doesn't have anything about the Bill of Rights in it. All it says is we're going to give power back to the people." -- Orrin Hatch, speaking for the amendment


The power to NOT burn the flag? I have been invested with an Amazing Power. The Power NOT to do stuff. I have the power to NOT leap tall buildings in a single bound. I have the power to NOT run faster than a speeding train. I AM invincible.

YOU CANNOT FORCE PEOPLE INTO PATRIOTISM. Let me repeat that. The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers. No one has ever won friends by beating them up.

The minute you pass an amendment to the CONSTITUTION, you weaken it. You say, gosh our government is wrong. Gosh it needs a band-aid. Gosh, the people of this country need a big-ass crutch.

Oh, wait. This amendment doesn’t do a damn-diddly bit of good for the PEOPLE. It protects a BIT OF CLOTH! The minute you pass an amendment to protect the flag, you WEAKEN THAT, TOO! In fact, you give SEVERE authority to the people who defy it. You EMPOWER them.

Imagine if we didn’t give a poop. (Please, I’m trying to write clean here. Somebody somewhere may want to put this shit in history books). Imagine we didn’t pay attention. Some Charlie Anti-State lights up a little cookout with his $1.95 Wal-Mart plastic flag out in the street shouting DOWN WITH NORMAN MINETA (Secretary of Transportation, read the older blogs), and you don’t even put down your beer to stop watching American Dimwit on Fox. The only people who win in that situation is Wal-Mart. They’re going to win anyway, so who cares?

So the next time someone blazes up the red-white-n-blue, remember – we have Oprah. The NFL. Hard-core pornography. We’re busy people paying attention to IMPORTANT things.

And if they do pass the amendment, I recommend we move all our flags to the MOON. Can’t light a fire there, can you, you turkeyheads.