TurkeyJet
Where’s my jet pack? I WANT my jet pack. Sean Connery had one in Thunderball. Prof Robinson flew around in one for Lost in Space. Those are REAL stuntmen flying around in REAL jet packs. Here’s a picture of some guy flying one in 1962. There was one shown off in the 1939 World’s Fair in NY. 1939! That’s over 65 years ago. 65 YEARS AGO!
Let’s count all the things that weren’t around 65 years ago. Color TV. Microwave ovens. Cell phones. Velcro. Diet Coke. The New York Mets. The state of Hawaii. That weird Segue thing nobody buys. Scientology. The INTERNET, for Paul Allen’s sake.
You’d think in 40 years, something that they HAD ALREADY INVENTED would be improved enough for people to use. And you know we’d all want one. Think about it. You could fly to work, the beach, the movies. HOW COOL WOULD THE DRIVE-IN BE? Mountain climbing? Some poor sap reaches the top of Everest after a week of brutal effort, and you’re hanging there just six feet away to greet him with a hearty, “Sucker!”
I bet Mark Cuban has one. Bill Gates has two. Oprah’s got one, in lipstick red. You can’t see them because they fly so high. There’s a little freeway up there and they’re all zipping along. David Beckham is waving at Warren Buffett as they pass by. Dick Cheney’s doing little wheelies. Madonna flies a little higher so people can look up her skirt. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have a tandem jet pack.
Bastards.
We need to all march down to the Dept of Transportation and demand our jet packs. We need to knock on that door like our teenage daughter is in there with some guy named Bando. And we need to ask for… ask for…
Who is the Secretary of Transportation? It’s THIS guy. Norman Y. Mineta.
He USED to be VP at Lockheed Martin (they make JETS), chaired the National Civil Aviation Review Commission (of course), and as Sec of Transportation gave funding to the FAA (see?). THIS is the guy who won’t let you have jet packs.
Write a letter now.
Dear Secretary of Transportation Norman Y. Mineta,
Where’s my jet pack?
Sincerely,
Gerald P. Fallenarch
Send it to:
U.S. Department of Transportation
400 7th Street, S.W.
Washington, D.C. 20590
And see you can’t find out what happened to the submarine-car, too.
Let’s count all the things that weren’t around 65 years ago. Color TV. Microwave ovens. Cell phones. Velcro. Diet Coke. The New York Mets. The state of Hawaii. That weird Segue thing nobody buys. Scientology. The INTERNET, for Paul Allen’s sake.
You’d think in 40 years, something that they HAD ALREADY INVENTED would be improved enough for people to use. And you know we’d all want one. Think about it. You could fly to work, the beach, the movies. HOW COOL WOULD THE DRIVE-IN BE? Mountain climbing? Some poor sap reaches the top of Everest after a week of brutal effort, and you’re hanging there just six feet away to greet him with a hearty, “Sucker!”
I bet Mark Cuban has one. Bill Gates has two. Oprah’s got one, in lipstick red. You can’t see them because they fly so high. There’s a little freeway up there and they’re all zipping along. David Beckham is waving at Warren Buffett as they pass by. Dick Cheney’s doing little wheelies. Madonna flies a little higher so people can look up her skirt. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have a tandem jet pack.
Bastards.
We need to all march down to the Dept of Transportation and demand our jet packs. We need to knock on that door like our teenage daughter is in there with some guy named Bando. And we need to ask for… ask for…
Who is the Secretary of Transportation? It’s THIS guy. Norman Y. Mineta.
He USED to be VP at Lockheed Martin (they make JETS), chaired the National Civil Aviation Review Commission (of course), and as Sec of Transportation gave funding to the FAA (see?). THIS is the guy who won’t let you have jet packs.Write a letter now.
Dear Secretary of Transportation Norman Y. Mineta,
Where’s my jet pack?
Sincerely,
Gerald P. Fallenarch
Send it to:
U.S. Department of Transportation
400 7th Street, S.W.
Washington, D.C. 20590
And see you can’t find out what happened to the submarine-car, too.
posted by Mad Duck at 2:21 PM
1 Comments:
I want my jet pack!!!! Where is it??
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