Turkey House
Poor you.
That’s what Livia Soprano used to say to Tony when she wanted to make him feel small. Only it came out “Poah Yew.”
I’d feel small. I’d feel poah. I AM poah. I make something-mumble thousand dollars a year, and I can’t afford a house. At least not one that doesn’t come in a game of Monopoly. I make more than the combined income of both my parents when they were my age. Of course, they were teachers, so golf-ball retrievers made more, but they STILL HAD A HOUSE.
What went wrong? Why are we so houseless? (Well, not everyone. Some folks live in the middle of Iowa in a nice home. But they live in Iowa.) First, of course, is the cost of the house. In Venice CA, in 1968, you could buy a small house for about $2,000. You could buy a lot on a big stinky canal for about $25k. 1968! That’s not THAT long ago.
Except, it is. Right around that time, the film Bonnie and Clyde came out. The story took place in the early 30s and it was about depression-era folk WHO ALSO HAD HOMES. But we are now more years FROM the release of the film than the film is FROM its subject. Same thing with The Godfather. Same thing with GONE WITH THE WIND. Well, almost.
So, now those $2k houses in Venice sell for $800k and the canal houses are $1.5 mil. Those $2k houses are CRACK HOUSES. The only people who can afford them are… oh. Crack dealers. Never mind.
Okay. Housing prices go up. All the time. That’s what they do. They were going up when my parents bought in, and they’re going up now. What’s the REAL difference? Any guesses? Some kind of government conspiracy? Some kind of mass brainwashing? TV?
Here’s a hint. Just reading this blog probably contributes to your financial standing. If you’re paying for DSL, that is. What? DSL is keeping you out of a house?
Could be.
DSL is about $20 a month. If you shop. That’s $240 a year. The standard home loan is 30 years. That’s $7200 over the life of your mortgage THAT YOUR PARENTS DIDN’T HAVE TO PAY. Or you could have bought 3 houses in Venice in 1968 and had a lot left over to kick out the crackheads. Or buy some crack.
But it isn’t just DSL, is it? It’s a lot of other things. Let’s add them up together, shall we?
Cable $50 a month
Cell $40 a month
Netflix $20 a month
Tivo $13 a month
Gym $40 a month
And the biggest one of all, because you’re probably not paying attention to it, your credit rate. Let’s say you’ve got a balance of $5k. That’s not so high. At a rate of about 12%, which is pretty good. That’s $50 a month that didn’t use to have to be paid.
Let’s add that all up together, and include DSL. That’s $233 a month that people DID NOT PAY in 1968. That’s about $2,800 a year. About $84,000 over the life of your mortgage. And that doesn’t include what you paid for your computer, your IPOD, your DVD player, your cell phone, etc. Oh, sure, they had a stereo system, a phone, maybe even a walkman. Compare the total prices, AND THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE TO REBUY THEM EVERY 3 YEARS.
Let me tell you a story. It sounds, at first, like one of those Hollywood insider stories that crops up on E! Entertainment. But it’s not. As Michael Corleone would say, “It’s strictly business.” A few years back, a large Japanese corporation came to the US and ate a small but notable film studio. Sony bought MGM. Still, somehow MGM managed to hang around. EVEN THOUGH THEY’D BEEN ATE. I mean, eaten.
Then it happened again. Last year. Sony bought MGM. AGAIN. And yet, MGM is still running around loose. And still distributing movies. Sony keeps eating its own crapped-out companies.
Why?
Because Sony DOESN’T REALLY MAKE MOVIES. Sony makes DVD players. And you have one. You don’t need another. Or do you?
I used to have a phonograph. Then a cassette player. Then a DVD player. Then an MP3 player. In my lifetime, I’ve owned 4 different technologies to listen to music. Ask your folks if they did the same.
Sony needs you to buy another DVD player. EVEN THOUGH YOU ALREADY HAVE ONE. THAT WORKS. Here comes Blue-Ray. Another technology. And how do they get you to buy it? Change the product. Sony already has the world’s largest film library, and they buy MGM (for a few minutes anyway) to make sure that all the MGM stuff comes out on Blue-Ray. Between the two, 40% of everything comes out on Blue-Ray (I just made that percentage up, but you get the point). Everybody else has to change just to keep up.
Then they go to Green-Ray. Or Aquamarine-Ray. In that span of the 40-year mortgage, you’re going to buy probably 20 TVs (assuming you want one for your bedroom), 10 DVD/VCR players, 15 Gamethings, 8 PCs, and all the money to get stuff to put ON IT. That’s another $10-20k that could have gone into your house.
You are going to spend $100k on things your predecessors did not have. $100k! If you had $100k, you’d buy a house. A nice one, too. But you don’t have $100k.
Poah Yew.
That’s what Livia Soprano used to say to Tony when she wanted to make him feel small. Only it came out “Poah Yew.”
I’d feel small. I’d feel poah. I AM poah. I make something-mumble thousand dollars a year, and I can’t afford a house. At least not one that doesn’t come in a game of Monopoly. I make more than the combined income of both my parents when they were my age. Of course, they were teachers, so golf-ball retrievers made more, but they STILL HAD A HOUSE.
What went wrong? Why are we so houseless? (Well, not everyone. Some folks live in the middle of Iowa in a nice home. But they live in Iowa.) First, of course, is the cost of the house. In Venice CA, in 1968, you could buy a small house for about $2,000. You could buy a lot on a big stinky canal for about $25k. 1968! That’s not THAT long ago.
Except, it is. Right around that time, the film Bonnie and Clyde came out. The story took place in the early 30s and it was about depression-era folk WHO ALSO HAD HOMES. But we are now more years FROM the release of the film than the film is FROM its subject. Same thing with The Godfather. Same thing with GONE WITH THE WIND. Well, almost.
So, now those $2k houses in Venice sell for $800k and the canal houses are $1.5 mil. Those $2k houses are CRACK HOUSES. The only people who can afford them are… oh. Crack dealers. Never mind.
Okay. Housing prices go up. All the time. That’s what they do. They were going up when my parents bought in, and they’re going up now. What’s the REAL difference? Any guesses? Some kind of government conspiracy? Some kind of mass brainwashing? TV?
Here’s a hint. Just reading this blog probably contributes to your financial standing. If you’re paying for DSL, that is. What? DSL is keeping you out of a house?
Could be.
DSL is about $20 a month. If you shop. That’s $240 a year. The standard home loan is 30 years. That’s $7200 over the life of your mortgage THAT YOUR PARENTS DIDN’T HAVE TO PAY. Or you could have bought 3 houses in Venice in 1968 and had a lot left over to kick out the crackheads. Or buy some crack.
But it isn’t just DSL, is it? It’s a lot of other things. Let’s add them up together, shall we?
Cable $50 a month
Cell $40 a month
Netflix $20 a month
Tivo $13 a month
Gym $40 a month
And the biggest one of all, because you’re probably not paying attention to it, your credit rate. Let’s say you’ve got a balance of $5k. That’s not so high. At a rate of about 12%, which is pretty good. That’s $50 a month that didn’t use to have to be paid.
Let’s add that all up together, and include DSL. That’s $233 a month that people DID NOT PAY in 1968. That’s about $2,800 a year. About $84,000 over the life of your mortgage. And that doesn’t include what you paid for your computer, your IPOD, your DVD player, your cell phone, etc. Oh, sure, they had a stereo system, a phone, maybe even a walkman. Compare the total prices, AND THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE TO REBUY THEM EVERY 3 YEARS.
Let me tell you a story. It sounds, at first, like one of those Hollywood insider stories that crops up on E! Entertainment. But it’s not. As Michael Corleone would say, “It’s strictly business.” A few years back, a large Japanese corporation came to the US and ate a small but notable film studio. Sony bought MGM. Still, somehow MGM managed to hang around. EVEN THOUGH THEY’D BEEN ATE. I mean, eaten.
Then it happened again. Last year. Sony bought MGM. AGAIN. And yet, MGM is still running around loose. And still distributing movies. Sony keeps eating its own crapped-out companies.
Why?
Because Sony DOESN’T REALLY MAKE MOVIES. Sony makes DVD players. And you have one. You don’t need another. Or do you?
I used to have a phonograph. Then a cassette player. Then a DVD player. Then an MP3 player. In my lifetime, I’ve owned 4 different technologies to listen to music. Ask your folks if they did the same.
Sony needs you to buy another DVD player. EVEN THOUGH YOU ALREADY HAVE ONE. THAT WORKS. Here comes Blue-Ray. Another technology. And how do they get you to buy it? Change the product. Sony already has the world’s largest film library, and they buy MGM (for a few minutes anyway) to make sure that all the MGM stuff comes out on Blue-Ray. Between the two, 40% of everything comes out on Blue-Ray (I just made that percentage up, but you get the point). Everybody else has to change just to keep up.
Then they go to Green-Ray. Or Aquamarine-Ray. In that span of the 40-year mortgage, you’re going to buy probably 20 TVs (assuming you want one for your bedroom), 10 DVD/VCR players, 15 Gamethings, 8 PCs, and all the money to get stuff to put ON IT. That’s another $10-20k that could have gone into your house.
You are going to spend $100k on things your predecessors did not have. $100k! If you had $100k, you’d buy a house. A nice one, too. But you don’t have $100k.
Poah Yew.
posted by Mad Duck at 10:16 PM
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