Vote for Turkey

By God, the world must become a democracy, or we’re going to shoot every damn one of you. Do you HEAR ME! A DEMOCRACY! We will not PUT UP with this commie terrorist bullarky. If you don’t turn into a democracy, we’re going to SHOOT YOUR MOTHER.

A democracy is SO much better than anything you have out there. Right here in America (okay, the United States of America, don’t split hairs), we have a perfectly functioning democracy. The guy we elected president of the United States is busy making movies while the guy who lost is running the show. Perfect democracy in action.

Meanwhile, in Mexico, we forced those poor bastards to the polls, and they STILL haven’t figured out who won. The GOOD news is that in a few more weeks there will be so many dead drug lords, there won’t be ANYONE left to vote opposition. Unless they let the severed heads vote.

And look how well democracy is turning out for Hamas, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and Hugo Chavez.

So let’s not be like Thailand, where they have a coup every four years. THAT doesn’t work at all. No sir. Not a place where EVERYONE is happy, and the girls run out to give the military soldiers roses for showing up and fixing the country. That’s bad news right there.

Doesn’t it bother ANYONE that the Thai coup was more organized, pleasant, and successful than the LAST TWO U.S. ELECTIONS? I think we should start changing our leaders by cow pie throwing contests. Now THAT makes sense.