Turkey People

I am people.

If nothing else is true, it’s that. I am people. You are people. We all belong to the subset of earth known as people.

So stop this superior than thou bologna. Seriously. Here’s why.

You know how there’s always that guy (or girl) you know who’s working the government for money. They’ve got some deal where they’re pretending to be sick or damaged or something, and they’re collecting checks from Uncle Sam, and it’s PISSING YOU OFF. I mean, that’s the reason why we’ve got to STOP THIS WELFARE CRAP, right? Deadbeat Bob’s screwing us over to the tune of $5k a year!!! And he’s really spending it on Jack Daniels! That black dog bastard!

And what about Pungent Patti? She’s been collecting unemployment for five years and she’s not even LOOKING FOR A JOB! She’s got a Jacuzzi in the BACK YARD. Her kids go to Rapid Robert’s Private School for Genius. She’s got thirty-five pairs of shoes. That unholy church of womanhood.

There’s Fast Phil’s deal at the auto shop. Guys like that are taking advantage of us. You know what I mean, guys of the WRONG COLOR. Or Wiley Wong. He’s not even FROM THIS COUNTRY. And East Texas Pete. He’s the WORST! He’s screwed the government for an extra $3k when he applied for assistance after his family died and he lost his house in Katrina.

Here’s the deal.

Yeah, deadbeat Bob and a lot like him are taking the Welfare for a ride. You know at least one like him. How many people do you know total? Couple hundred? More? So one guy you know is sticking to the man for a few $k.

There’s also Maid Martha, working her ass to the bone since she was sixteen, met a decent guy who worked at the oil company, got married, had a couple of kids, kept a good house and made money nights at the patio factory. But the good guy got leukemia, ate up some of the savings after health insurance covered a little, and died. Martha needed a little help, especially the kids. I mean, it’s not their fault, right? She took a couple of years worth, and was grateful, especially when tiny Mike got sick with that thing they never found out about. Maybe welfare saved Mike’s life. Maybe Martha’s, too.

Or what about Mr. Aardvark. He was laid off at Stupid American Auto Manufacturer, took his unemployment for 2 years, got his degree in nursing and now saves two lives a week at Detroit Selfless Hospital.

And then there are my four aunts. They don’t have houses. Katrina took them. All gone. They’re alive, though. Found some places in Baton Rouge. If some guy came up to me and said – “I’ve got a plan to save the lives of your family, but it means Tricky Tom is going to be able steal a couple of bucks from it every year,” you know what I would say? Let Tricky Tom get his couple of bucks. My aunts are safe.

And that’s what I mean by “We’re people.” Some of us steal. Most of us. Some of us do good things. Most of us. Some of us do both things at the SAME TIME. ALL of us. My aunts could be your aunts. Hell, my aunts ARE your aunts. We’re all the same. So cut Tricky Tom a break. I know he’s working the system, and we’re all trying to do the right thing. But my family’s alive, and if I have to let a guy like Tricky Tom go for a few bucks, I’m letting it go.

Besides, you don’t know. Maybe Tricky Tom’s kid grows up to cure cancer.

PS. I don’t have a cute picture for this. Sorry.