Turkey Lurkey: The Sky is Falling
Thursday night, an unfettered Duck, freed from his MBA responsibilities, met up with an old friend at a bar on Wilshire Blvd for a couple of couple of drinks and a catch-up session in the glare of the start of the NFL season. Because the Steelers were slugging it out with the Titans, the bar played host to a few more participants than normal. So it wasn’t completely surprising when a half-lidded well-lit patron of the liquored arts, having been forced to stand tight near our table on the balcony (one of us, not me, requires the occasional cigarette), overheard enough conversation about the sorry state of Venice Beach to feel comfortable enough to join in.
In short time, however, the conversation quickly turned to the events of September 11 (this being 9/11 eve), and the interloper very pointedly, minus a certain amount of focus, asked, “Do you believe it was planes that brought down the towers?” I immediately said yes, and then chose to stay out of this particular conversation, because, you know, this guy is a NUT. A drunken nut at that. My companion, however, having mercifully missed most of the inanities of overwrought conspiracy theories about the destruction of the twin towers, kept the conversation going.
Because the fellow was drunk, it took some time to work out of him his own thoughts. He kept insisting on asking us very specific questions about what we thought, what we believed, and what we knew about something called “controlled demolition.” He never really did say what was on his mind. He just said “You are familiar with a popular website called YouTube, correct?” in a weak attempt at sagacity that only happens late at a bar. “Look up controlled demolition.”
Eventually, he departed leaving us with bemused smiles on our faces. It took me until two days later, while ripping out the ivy from my back yard fence (I HATE IVY), to realize exactly how I know the US government did not launch a coordinated secret attack on its own people.
First off, conspiracy theories seem to pop up immediately following major world events such as Pearl Harbor (yep, the US government was involved in that one), the Kennedy assassination, the Oklahoma City bombing. Other government conspiracy theories include Marilyn Monroe, the moon landings, AIDS, Area 51, and fluoridation (no, not my teeth, too). So this is nothing new. This has been going on for centuries, dating back to the Illuminati and the Rosicrucians.
Well, I’m here to tell you: THE GOVERNMENT IS JUST NOT THAT CLEVER. Remember, these are the people who told you that duct tape would protect you against a nuclear attack. These are the people that sold weapons to the Taliban (Rambo helped –see Rambo 3). These are the people that made alcohol illegal. Then made it legal again.
In terms of conspiracy, this is the government that sent CIA agent E. Howard Hunt out on undercover missions, hiding his identity in a red wig and makeup so ridiculous that people said, “Here comes E. Howard Hunt in that stupid red wig.” This is the government that hid Watergate by TAPING EVERY WORD OF IT.
Ultimately, here’s my thought. The US government wasn’t capable of even faking the discovery of WMD’s in Iraq. How simple was that? What, they couldn’t just plant a couple of nukes in Saddam’s basement? Look. Look what we found. Every standard New York beat cop knows how to do that.
How hard do you think that would have been for a government capable of something as complex and wide-ranging as destroying the two towers, WTC 7, the Pentagon that would have involved at least hundreds of people in on the deal, plus hundreds of witnesses (think of all the maintenance workers at the WTC as say, “the men in black” or Hans Gruber came in to plant hundreds of pounds of explosive plus large numbers of detonators that would have to be silenced), and THEN have to keep that covered up for almost a decade? Nixon couldn’t even keep it up for one year, and that was over something as small and simple as a few dirty tricks.
Nope, our government just ain’t that bright.
And a shout out to my old military pal who said it shorter, quicker and better: “If you think 9/11 was a US government conspiracy, please let me know so I can delete your dumb ass from my friends list.” Hope you are doing well and your friend is recovering quickly.
In short time, however, the conversation quickly turned to the events of September 11 (this being 9/11 eve), and the interloper very pointedly, minus a certain amount of focus, asked, “Do you believe it was planes that brought down the towers?” I immediately said yes, and then chose to stay out of this particular conversation, because, you know, this guy is a NUT. A drunken nut at that. My companion, however, having mercifully missed most of the inanities of overwrought conspiracy theories about the destruction of the twin towers, kept the conversation going.
Because the fellow was drunk, it took some time to work out of him his own thoughts. He kept insisting on asking us very specific questions about what we thought, what we believed, and what we knew about something called “controlled demolition.” He never really did say what was on his mind. He just said “You are familiar with a popular website called YouTube, correct?” in a weak attempt at sagacity that only happens late at a bar. “Look up controlled demolition.”
Eventually, he departed leaving us with bemused smiles on our faces. It took me until two days later, while ripping out the ivy from my back yard fence (I HATE IVY), to realize exactly how I know the US government did not launch a coordinated secret attack on its own people.
First off, conspiracy theories seem to pop up immediately following major world events such as Pearl Harbor (yep, the US government was involved in that one), the Kennedy assassination, the Oklahoma City bombing. Other government conspiracy theories include Marilyn Monroe, the moon landings, AIDS, Area 51, and fluoridation (no, not my teeth, too). So this is nothing new. This has been going on for centuries, dating back to the Illuminati and the Rosicrucians.
Well, I’m here to tell you: THE GOVERNMENT IS JUST NOT THAT CLEVER. Remember, these are the people who told you that duct tape would protect you against a nuclear attack. These are the people that sold weapons to the Taliban (Rambo helped –see Rambo 3). These are the people that made alcohol illegal. Then made it legal again.
In terms of conspiracy, this is the government that sent CIA agent E. Howard Hunt out on undercover missions, hiding his identity in a red wig and makeup so ridiculous that people said, “Here comes E. Howard Hunt in that stupid red wig.” This is the government that hid Watergate by TAPING EVERY WORD OF IT.
Ultimately, here’s my thought. The US government wasn’t capable of even faking the discovery of WMD’s in Iraq. How simple was that? What, they couldn’t just plant a couple of nukes in Saddam’s basement? Look. Look what we found. Every standard New York beat cop knows how to do that.
How hard do you think that would have been for a government capable of something as complex and wide-ranging as destroying the two towers, WTC 7, the Pentagon that would have involved at least hundreds of people in on the deal, plus hundreds of witnesses (think of all the maintenance workers at the WTC as say, “the men in black” or Hans Gruber came in to plant hundreds of pounds of explosive plus large numbers of detonators that would have to be silenced), and THEN have to keep that covered up for almost a decade? Nixon couldn’t even keep it up for one year, and that was over something as small and simple as a few dirty tricks.
Nope, our government just ain’t that bright.
And a shout out to my old military pal who said it shorter, quicker and better: “If you think 9/11 was a US government conspiracy, please let me know so I can delete your dumb ass from my friends list.” Hope you are doing well and your friend is recovering quickly.
posted by Mad Duck at 9:41 PM
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