The Turkey Initiative

I propose two voter initiatives.

The first will solve the California budget crisis once and for all. It’s called the San Francisco Pay It initiative, and it calls for every resident of San Francisco to pay $10,000 to the state every year. We’re only including the residents of the city, not the county. As of 2008, the population was 808,976. That would mean over $ 8 billion dollars a year into the state black hole coffers. We’re including everyone, children, babies, senior citizens.

It will work for 6 reasons

1. They can afford it. If you live in San Francisco, where the AVERAGE house sells for $656,700, then you can damn well afford it.
2. Everyone will vote for it except for San Frannians. Which is fine, because there are a lot more of us then there are of them.
3. Nobody likes San Frannians. Not even themselves. They move away and complain bitterly about how whatever town they’re living in is not San Francisco, but they DON’T MOVE BACK.
4. If they can afford $6.3 billion for a bridge (A BRIDGE, goddammit! Not a space shuttle, not an atom collider, not a regime change), they can afford this.
5. They are complete snots for charging us money to get IN to their damn city, but not to get out via the Golden Gate.
6. Barry Bonds.

This will be great. There are tons of great initiatives JUST LIKE THIS ONE that get on the ballot because lots of morons concerned citizens will believe anything take the time to understand what’s going on in the state of California and then form mobs citizen activist groups to yell and scream at town halls debate before irrationally rationally signing petitions.

And THEN the state supreme court strikes the whole initiative down (after a cost of hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars) just because the find the thing just a little unconstitutional. Don’t they understand that when people VOTE for something, we all HAVE to do it no matter how stupid or irrational it is? This is a DEMOCRACY for crying out loud. If we all get together and vote to nuke Las Vegas for fireworks fun, then OUR WILL BE DONE. It's the American Way.

Oh, and that second voter initiative? NO MORE VOTER INITIATIVES!